Doc and the Bastards

I have had a lot of newbies joining the Katie Harperverse, so for everyone who feels like they joined the middle of a conversation, here's a run down of the "days". Wednesday is Character Wednesday where I introduce a character from my book, Never Say Just. On Thursday I let the Rat Bastards, a group of kick ass Force Recon Marines and heroes of my book, interview each other. Got it? Good.

Today the Rat Bastards grill Doc, the team's medic. 

Horndog: I’m not going to start this time. I refuse to start. Someone else can go first.

Hell Kat: Are you pouting? Do you need your diaper changed?

Horndog: Hey Hell Kat, bite me.

Hell Kat: If I bit you, you’d need reconstructive surgery.

*Horndog flips Hell Kat off*

Tongue: Suck it up Dog and Kat please turn your human emotions on. I’ll go first. Doc, I’ve been blown up, Shooter’s been shot and hit with flying shrapnel, Switch has more scars than anyone has ever bothered to count. You’ve stitched up every single one of us. Which of us came closest to death?

Doc: That’s easy, Horndog. Remember that time he got hit by a piece of flying sheet metal that ripped his stomach open. I couldn’t get to him right away. I thought I was going to lose him. He was smart enough to wrap his shirt around his waist so his guts didn’t fall out.

Horndog: And I kept fighting thank you very much.

Doc: You’re hardcore Horndog.

Horndog: Damn right! Martinez, why don’t you go next?

Martinez: I hate you Horndog one day I will beat you bloody for making me ask these stupid questions.

Horndog: Until that day comes you’re stuck. Ask the question.

Martinez: And when that day comes, you’re going to need to grow new skin. Doc, you have seen all of us naked, who has the best body?

Doc: Well that depends. Shooter’s the biggest. Martinez you’re big and you know how to move your body with the grace of a ballerina. Switch is compact and the most lethal. Tongue can take a punch better than any of you. He did grow up with Hell Kat. Horndog looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model so if this whole Marine thing doesn’t work out he can always fall back on that. But the best body goes to Hell Kat. She’s strong knows how to use her body to fight, can take a hit from a freight train, every inch of her body is lethal and every inch is rockin’ hot!

Shooter: *Gives Doc a half-cocked smile* I’ll let that slide because I love you and because it’s true.

 Switch: Why do we always end up professing our bro love in these damn interviews? Doc, as a medic you aren’t allowed to fire your weapon except when you’re protecting your patients. Have you ever fired your weapon in combat against this rule?

Doc: You’re all my patients and I consider prevention to be the best medicine. Every time I fire my weapon I fire it to protect you, whether you’re bleeding or not.

Hell Kat: My turn, what is going on between you and Yvette?

Doc: Nothing, we’re just friends.

Horndog: Yeah right! I don’t believe you. The last time a Bastard said he had “nothing” going on with a woman I ended up shooting someone on top of the Piggly Wiggly. Don’t lie to me Doc.

Doc: I’m not lying. I’m just helping her out with some stuff.

Horndog: I don’t believe you.

Doc: *Shrugs* I don’t care if you believe me. It’s the truth.

Horndog: I can’t believe you’d lie to me Doc. Whatever. I’m sure I’ll get over it….eventually. Doc, does the Marine Corps know you’re stealing medical supplies?

Doc: I wasn’t stealing. I donated those supplies to a village clinic in Afghanistan without the Corps’ knowledge. I’m not donating from the military’s stock of supplies anymore.

Horndog: So, you just left the clinic high and dry.

Hell Kat: No, he told me about the clinic. Now they have a modern hospital and access to American doctors and equipment.Edna4.jpg

Horndog: Let me guess, the name of this hospital is The Hell Kat Hospital.

Hell Kat: No, it’s called The Rat Bastard Medical Center.

Horndog: Are you serious! That’s freaking awesome Hell Kat!!

Shooter: Yes, it’s freaking awesome. Pull yourself together Horndog. I’m sure Switch needs to get back to Sam. Doc, you have the stones to be a Marine, but you chose to become a Navy Corpsman. Why?

Doc: You guys are balls first, think later. You throw yourselves into the fires of hell to do your job. I jump into that same fire to drag your wounded body out, stitch you up and send you back into the fight. I chose to be a corpsman to keep you in the fight. Maybe that makes me a coward.

Shooter: Doc, you are anything but a coward. You keep your cool with bullets flying and men screaming for their mommies. I could never do what you do. You’re the bravest man I know.

Horndog: Are we going to hug now?

Hell Kat: Shut the hell up Horndog.