HORNY WEDNESDAY!

Good morning Horndoggers! I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Harper’s getting married. I know, shocked the shit out of me too. First, that she’d even consider getting married again, then that she actually tricked someone into walking down the aisle with her. She has said for years that she would never get married again. That she's perfectly happy being single. I knew that was a load of crap from day one.

Rumor has it that he hates this pic.
I don't care.

The Bastards and I wanted to know who had tamed the shrew. For today’s Horny Wednesday we’re interviewing her fiancé, Rogerio Lemos. Rogerio is from Brazil and has every woman in the house swooning. Apparently he’s perfect. He’s kind, nice, sweet, compassionate, respectful, even Sissy’s gone all goo goo over him. CAN YOU EFFING BELIEVE THAT! SISSY!! MY SISSY!!! If I didn’t think Harper would cut my dick off, I’d have to kick his ass. So here you go, I give you Rogerio.

Horndog: Rogerio, I asked Harper a few months ago if she’d ever get married again and she said no. In fact, she said she had no desire to date....at all. How the hell did you get her to go out with you in the first place?

I grabbed her by her hair and hit her over the head with a club. She started to come around when we got back to the cave so I had to turn on the charm. I’m kidding. I would never hurt my Katatita. I saw her and said to myself, “That’s the woman I want.” Then I saw how good she was with her daughter and I thought she had to be married. I won’t lie, I wanted to kill the lucky son of a bitch. Then I found out she was a widow. For a split second I felt bad. I got over it pretty quick.

Horndog: Katatita?

Oh sorry. In Portuguese the nick name for Katharine is Cat. I call her kitten.

Tongue:  Ah, that's so sweet I just might puke. K, so you spent some time together. You had to realize that she was bat shit crazy right away. Why did you pursue her, of all people, you could have anyone, why did you want her?

I know you see her as being a bit nuts, and she is. But, Katie is actually pretty sweet. Towards you and towards her brothers she can be a bit….intense.  But her true self is very kind. She would never maliciously hurt someone. Attack someone she loves in anyway and yeah, she’ll kick your ass six ways to Sunday. On the surface she’s a bit naughty, but deep down she’s very sweet.

Doc:  Let me just start out by thanking you. Harper has never been this nice to us. Ever. Since you came along she’s all please and thank you. Before you it was now and are you done yet. I just want to know if you know what you’re getting into. Harper has a past, a scary past. Has she shared all her crap with you and, if so, how did you come to terms with ALL that?

I do know her past. And yeah, it’s freaking scary. Katie has crawled through hell on her knees and lived to tell about it. Literally. Her strength is amazing. I love her, including her past. Her past made her the woman she is.

Martinez: My turn. Rogerio, Harper writes romance novels that contain sex and a lot of violence. Do you like that she writes romance novels or do you wish she’d write something else?

She won’t let me read what she writes. She’s afraid it will scare me off. But I have connections. I’ve arranged to have a copy of Never Say Just dead dropped to me. Have you ever tried to write a novel? I haven’t and I never would. I couldn’t do it. I am so proud of my Katatita. She has a talent that a lot of people wish they had but very few do. She’s intelligent and has one hell of an imagination. If she wants to write romance novels that’s fine. If she wants to be the next Dr. Seuss, I’m fine with that too.

Switch:  Can we please get this over with? Some of us have shit to do. We need to talk about Samantha. I take care of Hell Kat’s daughter and I’d kill any son of a bitch who ever thought he might maybe one day could hurt her. Harper has her own Samantha. My Sam is based on her Sam. How do you feel about Samantha? Know that your answer will determine if you leave this room walking or on a stretcher.

Oh, I love that little girl. She’s beautiful, fun, smart, kind, has a good attitude. Samantha is the jewel of my life. Yes, she has her moments. Katie calls them meltdowns. When that happens she needs someone to pick her up and talk to her. I’ve fallen in love with Sam. She is the missing piece of my heart. She’s my daughter.

Switch: Acceptable answer.

Shooter:  We both love strong women. Why do you love yours?

I like independent women who have their own thoughts. My Katatita doesn’t care what other people think. She has her own standards and she sticks to them. She doesn’t judge. She accepts you as you are and doesn’t try to change you to fit a mold. She’s tender and strong at the same time. She makes me feel good. She never brings me down. Just thinking of her makes me happy. There isn’t anything I don’t like about her. Oh wait, yes there is. That woman can cook! And I have the extra ten pounds to prove it.

Well, there you go. That’s Rogerio. The man who makes the rest of us look like wankers. Good luck buddy, you’re going to need it.

Horndog and the Rat Bastards are from the upcoming novel,

Never Say Just by Katie Harper.