My Favorite Movie

My what a big gun you have Mr. Craig.

Who wouldn't want to lick him like
a super spy Popsicle?

It is a much easier task to choose my favorite movie than to choose my favorite book. My favorite movie is Casino Royale. Why? Daniel Craig in short tight Prada swim trunks coming up out of the water all glisteny sexy that’s why!! I think the movie’s about some super hero or carpet salesman or something that plays some type of card game with a princess, I really have no idea. My brain stopped working when Daniel Craig walked onto the screen. It was like that moment when you catch your first glimpse of Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire. His radiating magnificence just stuns you stupid for the next hundred twenty minutes or so. On a side note, Interview with the Vampire also features Christian Slater, Tom Cruise and Antonio Banderas. They basically carpet bomb your libido with lust-worthy males leaving the average female a quivering mass of Jello in a theater seat wishing the guy sitting next to her was a vampire and not Jerry from accounting.

Stupidest woman on the planet.

Back to Casino Royale. Other than Daniel Craig overwhelming the sun with his hotness, the only other thing I really remember about Casino Royale is the female lead, Vesper Lynd, played by Eva Green. She has the sexiest voice ever recorded. It’s all gravely like she eats broken glass for breakfast or something. Here’s what I don’t understand, why, for the love of all that is holy, did she betray Daniel Craig? That’s like betraying Santa Claus!! There are some things you just don’t do! How did this woman wake up to this museum quality specimen of a man, look at him and think, “Today I’m going to completely screw you over, and not in the fun way.” Seriously, IT’S DANIEL CRAIG!! I know it’s fiction and she’s an actress and she’s just doing her job, blah, blah, blah, but seriously, I would have protested, loudly and obnoxiously. No way would I kick a man like Daniel Craig out of my bed. Not only does Vesper kick him out, she gets him brutally tortured. If it had been me, I’d have said, “Peace out,” to the bad guys and lived out my days on an island with Mr. Craig. Only on very chilly nights would he be allowed to wear those Prada swim trunks. The rest of the time he’d be allowed a fig leaf, you know, to prevent sunburn.

So what does my favorite movie say about me? It says that I’m basically a shallow person who really doesn’t care about the substance of a person just as long as they’re pretty. Hmm, I can live with that.