Monday, August 8, 2011

My Favorite Skill

Yes, ladies and gentlemen I have skills. No I can’t shoot a quarter in the air, I can’t speak a foreign language (I am American), and I can’t drive an eighteen wheeler. What can I do? I can remember stupid, useless facts. My mind is a steel trap when it comes to random crap. Here is a sampling of pointless info I can recall on a whim.

**It takes between seventy and one hundred pounds of   pressure to punch a high heel through a human skull depending on where you place the heel. The skull is thinner in the back than the front. (This is seriously good to know.)

**Sixteen pennies stacked up equals one inch and sixteen pennies laid out in a line equals one foot. (Pennies finally have a purpose.)

**It is illegal for men to wear strapless dresses in Miami, FL. (Is this a problem?)

**An earwig has two penises, but favors one over the other like we do hands. (Why do bugs get all the good appendages?)

**The lifespan of a taste bud is ten days. (Good thing I don’t get attached to my taste buds.)

**There are more bacteria in your mouth than people on the planet. (Ew)

**Elephants can die from a broken heart. (Sad, but does anyone else have the urge to make the elephants cry at the zoo?)

**A snail can sleep for three years. (Big deal, so can I.)

** When you have a black eye, you have a bilateral periorbital hematoma. (And usually a note to yourself to kick someone in the balls.)

**The term “saved by the bell” comes from when our ancestors feared burying someone who wasn’t really dead. They’d tie a string onto their finger and attach it to a bell next to their grave. The term “graveyard shift” stems from the guy whose job it was to tend the bells at night. (Wouldn’t it have been easier to smack them in the face a few times to see if they were really dead?)

**The Earth moves in its 585-million-mile orbit around the Sun approximately eight times faster than a bullet travels. (How is that possible? A bullet is already traveling as fast as the Earth then adds its own speed on top of that. These are the things that keep me up at night people.)

**Shakespeare didn’t know how to spell his own name.

** One-fourth of the people who lose their sense of smell also lose their desire for sexual relations. (That would really stink!)

** According to poetic legend, Lizzie Borden used her ax and gave her mother 40 whacks and her father 41. In actuality, the police accused her of giving her father 10 whacks and her stepmom 19. Lizzie was acquitted at her trial of the double murder. (Lizzie Borden, Casey Anthony’s hero.)

**When painting the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo used both hands. The word ambidextrous translates to “having two right hands”. (What? Were his feet tired or something?)

**Alfred Hitchcock had a fear of eggs. (Really?)

** 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (Who has time for this kind of crap?)

** The word "samba" means "to rub navels together." (Anyone wanna samba?)

** The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. (And then Cinemax was born.)

 Most women have read this entire post. Men are still busy being jealous of earwigs.


  1. Actually, I think earwigs are cute and I'm going to have T-shirts made that say - "Save The Earwigs".

  2. Lady you crack me up!!!! Keep them coming! And yes, my hubby would still be reading about the earwings. LOL!

  3. I can attest to your talent as in this summer when having a conversation with your father, you no where in site, and us discussing our rib dinner, from the balcony we hear, "The porcine anatomy is like the human anatomy and has 13 ribs" (or whatever it was you said). Folks, she's weird to have around!

  4. What? The pig is our closest anatomical relative. Doesn't everyone know that?