Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What is Sexy? Part II

Last week I wrote a post asking the question what is sexy. I gave my opinion, but I wanted to get a man’s opinion on what is sexy.  There is now better man to ask then my good friend Benjamin Russell.

Ben, I know you’re an admirer of all things female, but what is the first thing that attracts you to a woman?  Hips, thighs and booty. Especially if she’s wearing a sexy pair of heels  – Like the song by Shakira says, the hips don’t lie.

Why is that? Wait, don’t answer that. This is a family show. What is the second thing that attracts you to a woman? – Her eyes.  It’s true, the eyes are the windows to the soul.  If a man is perceptive and he really looks into a woman’s eyes, he can learn a lot about the inner-woman.

So, you’ve caught the attention of a curvy woman across the bar. She has you in her ocular tractor beam, what makes you take that step from admiring a woman from across the room to talking to her? – If her eyes speak to me.  A  woman can say volumes with her eyes, if she wants me to speak to her, she will tell me with her eyes.  The eyes are the main part of a woman’s body that doesn’t lie.

All right, you’ve walked up to her. You’re talking, but something doesn’t work for you. When it comes to a woman’s appearance, what turns you off? – A perpetual frown or sour look on her face.  I can be sad all by myself.

OK, this woman isn’t frowning. It’s something else that you don’t like. When it comes to a woman’s personality, what turns you off?  - A woman who complains about virtually everything is a BIG turn off.  A man wants to be with a woman who brings joy into his life, not drama.

Fast forward five years. You didn’t pursue the woman at the bar because she was a depresso complainer. But you have found someone that you’d like to make a life with. What is it about a woman that makes you want to stay with her? – When a woman knows, without being told, that it is ok for her to take the lead and she is willing to give without requiring anything in return. Well, that woman is worth her weight in gold.  Also, the woman with a joyous soul, who sees the glass as being half-full instead of being half-empty is a definite keeper.
Interesting. In my opinion being sexy and being beautiful are two different things. How would you define sexy? – Sexy is about how a woman carries herself, confident but not arrogant and most importantly – it’s about her mind.  The sexiest women have a mentality and a fertile imagination that comes across in their conversation.  That sexy mindset will also carry over in how she handles herself in the bedroom.  She is unburdened by inhibitions and she is willing to try almost anything – at least once.

Why doesn’t that surprise me? How would you define beautiful? – Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.  Beauty isn’t about any particular body shape, size, or even so-called facial beauty.  To quote Forrest Gump, beautiful is as beautiful does.  A woman who believes she is beautiful and carries herself as if she is Miss Universe she is beautiful.  A woman who loves life and doesn’t let other people steal her joy is beautiful.  Yes, as men, we have certain preferences, but a beautiful woman can be found anywhere, even lying right next to us.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions Ben. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

Benjamin Russell is a writer of erotic fiction, instructor in the carnal arts, and muse to many a writer. He writes deep, complex characters and stories that will melt your hard drive. To read the wild and wicked side of Ben, check out his blog.


  1. Great interview. Katie once again I appluad you. Great questions!Benjamin's outlook on women is stellar!

  2. Great interview :) Now if she'll try anything at least once, does that mean you're going to as well? ((what? just playing a little devil's advocate is all))

  3. Great interview! Great questions and Benjamin's answers make a girl's heart pitter patter.

  4. Kharisma, I'm good for once, twice, thrice and how ever many times after that it takes to get it right. Practice makes perfect.

  5. One thing i got for sure. Benjamin is obsessed with women eyes. and my advice for you ladies, walk cautiously around Ben.Someone said one time to him, "talking to you is like walking over the broken glass" or something like that... Nice writing Katie and Ben.

  6. I loved all your answers Ben. I would like to add something to your comment "a woman who is willing to give without requiring anything in return": this is a good trait, however, it is also a sexy quality in a man. Men shouldn't expect their women to be this way without being that way themselves. It is a two-way street. :)

  7. Very honest and candid. I like that in a man. Truly inspiring to believe there are men out there that aren't superficial. Thank you Ben.

  8. The eyes are the window to the soul.
    If you can see a woman's soul, you see the essence of the woman.
    Thank you, once again, Benjamin for the invitation. This was a very enlightening interview.

  9. It's always great to hear from a man on this subject. Thanks Katie and Benjamin!

  10. Fantastic interview... great questions with wonderful answers. It's nice to see how a guy thinks. :)