Horndog here. I seriously can’t believe I didn’t find an Egyptian Asp in my bed last night. I thought Harper would wear my skin as a suit after what I said yesterday on her blog. I think I’m going to send her to Disneyland more often. She’s actually….NICE! I know! Shocked the hell out of me too. Kind of takes all the fun out of picking at her though. Today I’m going to tell you a story about Harper’s first date and how it proved to this Rat Bastard that God exists. This is an awesome story so snuggle in, pop some popcorn and listen while Uncle Horndog tells one of the most embarrassing things to happen to our little Harper.
Once upon a time boys and girls, there was a young woman named Katie Harper. Harper was your average girl. There was nothing special about her. Well maybe not nothing special. She had four brothers. Four over protective brothers intent on making her life as miserable as they possibly could. One day a boy asked Harper to go to a movie. It was innocent. He didn’t have any dishonorable intentions, but that wouldn’t stop Harper’s brothers from telling this boy exactly how they expected him to treat their beloved sister.
When the boy showed up for Harper, her brothers gathered in the living room determined to scare the pee out of the poor boy. Harper, knowing this was their plan, opened the door, grabbed the boy by the arm, and dragged him to his car. The date went fine. I’m sure there was a lot of awkward conversation. They probably saw The Lion King or something because Harper used to be a real goody goody.
The movie ended and it was time for the boy to take Harper home. Now, Harper’s brothers felt a little slighted by their sister. They didn’t get to threaten the life of a teenage boy that evening and they were determined to make amends. They planned the perfect payback for both the boy and Harper. When the boy pulled his car in front of her house, Harper’s brother Ben burst through the front door wearing nothing but his tighty whities and his hair sticking out in every direction yelling, “KATIE! YOU BETTER NOT BE LIPPIN’ THAT BOY!!” Harper saw the spectacle taking place on her front porch. I’m sure she felt rage and a compulsion to cut her brother into bite size pieces, but she didn’t show it. She ran into the house laughing her butt off. And that children, is how I know God exists. For it was only through an act of God that saved Ben’s life that night.