My Favorite People

I come from a HUGE family. We could populate a small Midwestern town with my cousins alone. Family is very important to me. My family has literally saved my life. I don’t mean that in the they bailed me out of jail once kind of way. I mean that in the they jumped in front of a bullet kind of way.

My favorite people in the whole wide world are my four brothers and my sister. The fam gets together every Sunday for dinner. My father works out of town and my mom is a nurse and had to work at the hospital yesterday, so we took the party to my brother Ben’s house. My brothers are funny, and I mean funny. Not like me. I might make you chuckle from time to time but they are downright pee your pants hilarious. Here is a story my brother told about why women are single. Be prepared, he doesn’t care if he hurts anyone’s feelings. And that is why I love him.

We were discussing my blog posts about what men think women want and what women actually want. Here is Ben’s response.

Here’s why women over the age of thirty are single. Usually it’s because this is what they want. They want a guy to come in on a horse, bend down, and pick up four hundred pounds of woman and throw her on the back. Here’s the problem with that, horses can’t hold four hundred pounds of woman! His legs would break. They need to realize that men don’t ride horses anymore, they drive trucks. Now an F350 dually, that could haul four hundred pounds of woman. You might have to throw her in the back, but it can get the job done. Women need to accept a man who drives a truck, kills stuff, and will be a lazy slob for the rest of his life. Then they’d be married and I wouldn’t have to listen to their bitching every damn day at work!

Maybe this is one of those, you had to be there, kind of stories. I don’t care, it made me laugh so hard I thought my ears would pop off my head. My brothers are idiots. They have done some seriously stupid crap in their lives. Stuff that I have taken a blood oath never to reveal. Naturally they know plenty of crap about me that has never been told to the authorities, God, or our mother. And they never will tell. I trust them with my very soul. And that is why I love them.