
Right so, you know how she likes to make all of us fill out those stupid character bios. She has never posted hers. She’s never even filled one out. I think her fans would like to know what her favorite quote is. Since she is unavailable for consultation I will take it upon myself to tell the world all about Miss Harper.

Character Bio Questionnaire
Name: Katharine Lyn Harper, at least that’s what she says. I think it’s really Dominque, Empress of Pain, but that’s just me.
Rat Bastard Name: Most people call her Katie. But she is the original Hell Kat. Her grandfather started calling her Hell Kat when she was 12 and had just entered that stage in every girl’s life when grown men cross their legs and cower in fear. I’m not making this up people. That’s the truth
How did you get your Rat Bastard name? She’s responsible for rupturing the testicles of more than a few men. Some have required surgery.
Relationship Status: She’s a widow. A smokin’ hot widow! But be careful, she bites, hard.
Age: Chronologically 32. Mentally 13 year old boy whose just discovered his brother's Playboy collection.
Hair Color: Depends on how often she gets to the salon. If she goes every six weeks, it’s dark auburn. If she misses an appointment it’s the color of strong iced tea, not cute.
Eye Color: Brown, because she’s full of shit.
Height: 5’6”
Weight: If you think I’m going to broadcast this information to the entire blogosphere you’re an idiot and you deserve everything she’ll do to you.
Distinguishing Marks: She has a scar on her left forearm. She really wants a tattoo that says “Horndog is sexy” on her face, but her mom won’t let her get it.
Favorite Weapon: Her keyboard, but if that doesn’t work she has no problem shooting you.

Worst Enemy: Stupid people. And idiots. And people who can’t figure out the self check out at Vons. And people who drive slow on the freeway. And people who don’t watch their kids at the park. And….you know what most of the people on the planet. They need to die.
Last Song Played On My iPod: Days Like This by Van Morrison. Harper actually has pretty great taste in music. Except the whole 80’s pop crap she likes to shriek in the shower. If I have to hear one more off key rendition of Manic Monday I’m going to ram my foot through her medulla oblongata.
Favorite Movie: Casino Royale or anything else where Daniel Craig is running around half naked. She has to fantasize about someone when I’m not talking to her.
Last Facebook Post: You can say anything in a text no matter how mean, as long as you put 'LOL' at the end. ''I hope you die spitting blood! Lol! '' I told you she was mean.
Ten things you should know about Harper:
10. Horndog is her favorite imaginary friend.
9. Horndog is the ultimate badass.
8. Horndog is the sexiest human being every created.
7. She dreams of Horndog every night.
6. Horndog smells better than a fresh baked loaf of sexy.
5. Horndog is perfect in every way.
4. Horndog is gorgeous. She wishes she could be as pretty as Horndog.
3. Horndog just has to walk into the room and all is right with the world.
2. The only reason she won’t write me and Sissy hooking up is because she wants me for herself.
1. She didn’t take me to Disneyland because she wouldn’t be able to keep her hands off me and she doesn’t want to scar the children.
LOVE IT, you're a funny guy Horndog!!!!
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great time Katie :)
Huh, where did my comment go. Now I don't remember the witty thing I said :sigh: It was good too.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you horndog =)
Have fun in Disney Katie!
Erika
Bwah hahahahahahah!!!! Love it!
ReplyDelete