HORNY WEDNESDAY!!

Welcome children to another Horny Wednesday. As you may have noticed, Harper has been neglecting her blog as of late. I’ve told her over and over that I would be willing to take over for her full time. She told me to go to hell. I don’t get it. I really don’t get it.

This week’s installment of Horny Wednesday features a common problem among the female population. Read, think, discuss….Then I’ll tell you the truth.

Dear Horndog,

I have been dating a really great guy for the past eighteen months. He is everything I want in a man, except he’s a bit cold. He never wants to hold my hand. Never shows any affection at all. He never shares his feelings with me either. Our conversation consists of his day, my day, and what’s on TV. Nothing more. I want some sort of deep commitment from him but I don’t know how to go about getting it. How do I get him to share his feelings?

Sincerely,

Afraid to be alone

Dear Afraid,

First of all, kudos for picking an appropriate nom de plume. You are desperate and completely delusional. You know the traditional idea that men don’t want to share their feelings with women. Well, that’s a load of horse crap. We do want to share our feelings. We just want to share them with a woman we trust, respect, and actually love. This dude does not love you. I don’t know why he’s even sticking around. Do you pay his car payment? Are you a good cook? Are you the Michael Phelps of Bedroom Olympics? If you’ve been with this guy for eighteen months and he's still confused about his feelings for you, there’s only one reason for that. He doesn’t want to tell you the truth, piss you off, and lose his free ride, free meal, and….well, free ride.

Afraid, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that you grew up in a family that didn’t put a lot of stock into the whole touchy feely part of child rearing. You need to realize this guy isn’t going to fill that empty void in your heart. MOVE ON! You’re being used. And the saddest part is that deep down you know he’s taking advantage of you and you accept it because you think he’s the best you can get. He’s become comfortable for you. Love shouldn’t be a Snuggie. It should be a pair of electric pink hot pants with a top that's nothing but paint and a couple strategically placed rhinestones. Grow up sweetie. Ditch the backward robe and raid your cross-dressing friend’s closet. Everyone deserves passion. Even the desperate.

Sincerely,

Horndog

Want Horndog to answer a relationship question? Shoot him and email at HorndogRocks@gmail.com