Thursday, October 20, 2011

Edna's House Rules

With seventeen staff members, six marines, the world’s worst boss, and one six year old roaming the halls of the Boudreaux House, Edna felt the need to post a list of rules. The penalty for breaking one of these rules is the loss of one of your appendages. She’ll start with your toes.

Edna’s House Rules

1.  No one, and I mean NO ONE is allowed to use the washing machine without proper training. You might be able to make explosives from household cleaning products but you are all idiots when it comes to separating whites from colors.

2.  I wax the Club floor every Friday. If you enter that room once the doors have been sealed, I will use your hide to make a new handbag.

3.  Breakfast is served at 7:00, Lunch at 12:00, and Dinner at 5:00. If you are late you’ll be eating in the stables under a horse’s ass.

4.  Unless your name is Samantha, you are not allowed to ride a big wheel 
through the galleries. Horndog, I’m looking at you.

5.  If you leave a trail of blood through the house, wipe that shit up! I don’t care if it belongs to you or the person you’ve spent the afternoon pummeling, I don’t do bodily fluids.

6.  I don’t care why you’re doing it, you are not allowed to fire a weapon inside this house.

7.  If you are going to walk around naked in this house, please let me know in advance. I’d like to make popcorn.

8.  You are allowed to bring girls back to the house for a romp in the sack. However, a full written report with pictures must be turned into me by 10:00 AM the following morning.

9.  If you are being a complete idiot I will let you know. I will not be nice about it and it might be physically painful. I don’t have the time to deal with your insecurities.

10.  You all might  be OK with walking into each other’s rooms half dressed and hungry. You might be OK with borrowing each other’s underwear. You might be OK with holding each other through your PTSD flashbacks. But the next time I catch any of you inspecting a strange rash anywhere on your buddies naked body without closing your bedroom door, I will put ground up glass in your underwear.

This is the condensed list of rules. For the entire two hundred page handbook, ask Edna. You are responsible to uphold all the rules in the handbook. 


  1. I need someone like her corralling the ruffians in my domicile!

  2. I love her rules! Numbers 7 and 8 would have to be rules at my house too. lol